Things are off balance, out of kilter, listing, not quite right. The mechanics of the human body are such that doing a small thing differently, like carrying a heavy bag on the arm you don’t normally use, can put everything out of whack. I’ve always thought this was all that was happening when I started getting pain when stepping down on my ankle. It’s happened about half a dozen times to me in the past, but it always gets better within a few days and I’ve never thought much of it. But this time was different. The pain lasted longer and was more intense. I went to that place you never want to go when you are sporting an injury or ailment for fear of your mind running wild with possibilities, the internet. Far from deciding I had an incurable foot disease, I was able to find out that my symptoms are very common and it is only a light sprain. RICE, they tell me, rest ice compression elevation. So, I decided to try it and then get to the doc after the weekend if needs be. It worked a treat, I thought, until attempting to go for a run and ending up in a lot of pain. Damn. I decided to give it more time and check the internet again to be sure I was wrapping it correctly. I haven’t felt pain in a couple of days now and today is one of my running days. Fingers crossed, I’ll start out with a vigorous walk and see how I go.
Do you want to know the ironic bit? I did this doing yoga. Yes, that’s right, that therapeutic thing you do. I have not practised hatha in a long time and I overestimated how stretchy my ankles were. I did a lot of triangle-type poses and I should have stopped and listened. But, as I’ve mentioned, things are out of balance. I am resettling my son into his own bedroom after he stayed in our room while we were travelling for three weeks. I am thinking about how much I need to get back into work so we can keep doing crazy things like eating food and paying rent. I am worrying about my husband as he deals with tragedy at work and I am wondering what to cook for tea every night. I am thinking about the next job and making task lists in my head that I can’t remember in the very next minute. My body is right here, but my mind is somewhere out there. I am not listening.
Being present can feel like climbing onto a rooftop and trying to lasso the moon. I guess it’s all a vicious circle. When I run, my head becomes clear and I can be present more easily. But I can’t run right now, so I’ll have to wait. Sit, and breathe and wait.